Updated product lacks polish
Hendrik Kolenberg of Eastwood laments the departure of Kiwi shoe polish: “Those distinctive round tins with turnkeys on the side for flipping them open and filled to the brim with dense, good quality shoe polish in neutral, black and various shades of brown or tan and some colours. It was bought out/replaced by ‘Smart’ shoe polish: thinner, greasier in consistency, in cheap plastic imitation Kiwi containers, a lighter, greasier version. Why trust anything which brands itself ‘Smart’? And as the world suffocates from an alarming preponderance of polyethylene, why replace the tin with plastic?”
Regarding proud pedantry (C8), retired English teacher, Sue Martin of Clareville is really hating on grammar: “I have always regarded hate as a verb, hatred as a noun and hateful as an adjective. Now ‘hate’ seems to be all of the above.”
“Would the person in charge of everything, please ensure the words ‘close’ and ‘proximity’ are never allowed within touching distance of each other,” requests Jenny Archbold of Bellingen.
Following Janice Creenaune’s offering last week, it would seem that Rupert Murdoch (C8) is finding some late career eminence as a fashion influencer and the experience of Miranda resident Josephine Piper indicates that the shoe fits: “I have worn Brooks Addiction walkers for years but have had to settle for another brand because my local footwear store have none in stock. Now I know why.”
Continuing the right-of-centre sportswear groupthink, Cecily Chittick of Wyong reckons that “Alan Jones raised the bar at his arrest with his fashion statement of green tracksuit with matching joggers. His cane for walking completes the ‘pity me’ picture for his fitness outfit. Future arrest photos will lead to a rising of dress standards and accessorising, I’m sure. And not before time, I say.”
Dave Horsfall of North Gosford reflects on the crummy side of school lunches: “Salt and pepper sandwiches (C8)? We had sugar sandwiches, which may explain why I only have a few teeth left.”
Looks like flexitarians still walk among us: “Please tell Janita Rankin (C8) that bacon is ok for vegetarians to eat,” requests Richard Thurston of Tallwoods Village. “Unless the swine was telling me a porky.”
“All those submissions regarding odd names for food (C8), reminded me that my father once said that I had ‘culinary thrombosis’,” says David Prest of Thrumster. “When I asked what that meant, he replied ‘You’re a clot in the kitchen’.”
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